The love scene in question:
At this, Eliza and Ezra rolled together into one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it whacked and smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.
More review snippets here. One includes the line, “do not read this book.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_the_Lost#Reception
bulbous salutation my dudes
Bogus!
Most non-non-heinous.
It’s like he wrote an already weird sex scene description, then right clicked every word and chose the last synonym on the list.
Someone should start a community for that.
There was a literary movement called Oulipo that did things like that. What comment-OP described would be a variant of a technique called “n+7”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oulipo#Constraints
Being a big ou(x)po fan, they at least were good at their work. Highly recommended starting with Italo Calvino’s Cosmicomics or If On A Winter’s Night A Traveller
Calvino is absolutely amazing! I devoured Cosmicomics and T Zero when I was in college. The Castleof Crossed Destinies is another one.
I admit, I had a bit of trouble getting through If On A Winter’s Night a Traveler. I’m guessing it lost a lot in translation.
His book of Italian Folktales is also very good.
Edit: I just learned about, and ordered, this… a complete collection of the Qfwfq stories, including some never before translated into English- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Complete_Cosmicomics
On a related note, there’s the Bulwer Lytton prize for terribly written introductions to novels. It was based on the 1830 novel Paul Clifford, famous especially for its first line
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents, except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.
What did he call it first then? A large hello?
Bulging greeting
He’s said publicly that he hates sex, so I don’t know what anyone was expecting.
He probably hates sex because it requires him to show up and actually perform.
Holy shit, that’s a good burn.
We’ll meet him at the Cemetery Gates.
Probably not the best person to write a sex scene in that case.
I’d hate it too if i thought sex was whatever the fuck this is
Wtf did I just read…
Poetry.
HORNY LEVELS APPROACHING 60 PERCENTAGE POINTSThis better be satire.
It has to be
I recall there was a dramatic reading of this text many years ago…
ROFL! That was hilarious!
Had young Morrissey known how pathetic old Morrissey would end up, he would no doubt have written an incredible soul searching song about it.
“Sixty, racist and dumb”, or something.
One can imagine him struggling to imagine the scene well enough to write it, then going to a toy shop, buying a Barbie and a Ken and spending the next half hour mashing them against each other in an attempt to visualise it.
I bought it on account of hearing how bad it was. I wasn’t disappointed. It’s like The Room in book form, but with unnecessarily flowery language. Brilliantly shite.
“hello, fellow sex havers”
That’s the worst writing I’ve ever seen. This guy writes for a living? Do people enjoy his works?
Edit: no, and no.
Falls completely flat without Johnny Marr’s guitar work.
If you read that in Morrissey’s voice with “How Soon Is Now” as an earworm, it is slightly titillating.
ymmv
I don’t want to kink shame.
All I know is I don’t want anyone’s breasts doing a barrel-roll across my howling mouth.
I assumed that it was like motor-boating except with 360 degrees rotation, which is definitely a normal and not at all weird thing
All I know is I don’t want anyone’s breasts doing a barrel-roll across my howling mouth.
Damn. There goes a potential match!
Have you considered providing the chesticles in such a scenario?
Sudden melancholic guitar riff
I’ve neen dying at “wacked and smaked” for 10 minutes
He’s hackin’, wackin’ and smackin’!
That’s a sentence
Can someone feed that quote into the new, anything goes image generator? I wanna see what a bulbous salutation looks like
