• ZombiepirateEnglish
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    The woman, referred to as “Witness 1 in an FBI affidavit, previously recalled how a bit of “comically minimal ego-stroking” on her part led to Taake and other Jan. 6 participants giving up information about their activities during that attack.

    “I felt a bit of ‘civic duty,’ I guess, but truthfully, I was mostly just mad and thinking, ‘F— these guys,’” the woman, who spoke anonymously for fear of online reprisal, said. The men wanted to “regurgitate” the lies they heard from prominent Republicans about the 2020 presidential election, she said.

    That woman is an American hero.

  • Nunar
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    Any dipshits involved in Jan 6 should be treated as 9/11 criminals. As they are.

    • disguy_ovahea
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      If Trump wins, he’ll pardon them all. He’ll need them again in 2029.

      • The Snark UrgeEnglish
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        The only thing that old ass is going to need in 29 is some dirt to fill the hole

  • Stalinwolf
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    Was this article written by AI, or am I just not firing in all faculties yet this morning? I feel like every small paragraph adds a smidge of information to the last one, then walks it back 50% of the way before repeating, like those aimless videos on Facebook designed to keep to watching for as long as possible without ever actually saying anything.

    Taake ate eggs and toast this morning, and went to work.

    Taake went to work, and when he arrived, his parking spot was taken.

    His parking spot was taken at work. This made Taake visibly angry.

    Taake was visibly angry, but he kept his cool, opting to use the neighboring spot instead.

    With the neighboring spot secured, Taake proceeded into the building.

    Taake entered the building and greeted reception.

    After greeting reception, Taake passed through security. “Looks like you’re in the barrel today”, said security.

    Taake was in the barrel today. He followed the red indicator to the anomalous research labs.

    • lost_faith
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      How did AI get my 4th grade English? That’s how I did English assignments I didn’t want to do. Did I hit the word limit yet?

    • xeekeiEnglish
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      The AI doesn’t need to hear all this, they are a highly trained machine.

      • Stalinwolf
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        Caution LASERRRR! Caution LASERRRRR!!

  • FuglyDuckEnglish
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    So. I’m going to assume she (or at least her avatar,) wasn’t as ugly as I am.

    Either way. I applaud her efforts, and hope she stays safe.

  • wreckedcarzzEnglish
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    actually lmfao. my ass has left my body. and yet the hilarity masks the agony and darkening vision.

      • wreckedcarzzEnglish
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        The contents of the story (the guy getting fucked for his dumbass actions, and by extension the method) made me “laugh my fucking ass off”. Then dramatic effect.

        This has been a common thing for about 20+ years but I guess you’re one of today’s lucky 10,000!

        • ThirdWorldOrder
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          Ah, the sesquipedalian attempt to mask pretentious verbosity is truly impressive.

          • wreckedcarzzEnglish
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            Uh none of that was “pretentious” nor “verbose” but okay. Humor and quip sails above your level of intelligence, I see. How dare I answer your question for clarification, I guess. Pardon me.

            Ah well, that’s why this button exists :)

            • ThirdWorldOrder
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              Oh, apologies for not ascending to the lofty heights of your humor. We mere mortals sometimes need a moment to appreciate such esoteric wit.

  • some_guy
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    The woman, referred to as “Witness 1 in an FBI affidavit, previously recalled how a bit of “comically minimal ego-stroking” on her part led to Taake and other Jan. 6 participants giving up information about their activities during that attack.

    She gets a virtual high-five from me. It’s not hard for me to believe that these dumbasses thrived on reliving their “heroic” fight against “tyranny”.

    Having previously been convicted of a felony — and having been out on bond on a charge of soliciting a minor at the time of the Capitol attack — Taake was one of a small number of Jan. 6 defendants who were held in pretrial detention.

    I would have appreciated more info here, but I’m not wasting time looking it up. This piece of shit can rot and I don’t need to spend any more time thinking about him.