• SirSamuel
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    Lives no more than twenty years

    Sign me up!

    • pressanykeynow
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      How old are you? It may still be doable.

      • SirSamuel
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        I’ve lived two cat lives over and am on my way through a third

    • z500
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      The candle that burns four times as bright burns a quarter as long

      • milicent_bystandr
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        6 months ago
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        How dare you nerd snipe me

        Now, if brightness is amplitude of light But is it? Is it like sound that we perceive logarithmically? And if it’s burning wax at 4x the rate, will it be yet brighter because more of the gases ignite? Why is it burning faster? Has it four wicks? Thicker wick? Different geometry? Or does it imply a better oxygen source? If oxygen, again, maybe the same rate of wax burns brighter. Or maybe not: maybe it’s as simple as, the same proportion of wax burns, releasing the same amount of light energy, in the same spectral distribution, as long as you stay within practical parameters (e.g. not hot enough to get secondary combustion - if that even happens for candle smoke). Okay so I think the candle burning 4x the rate will make 4x the light, in which case it’s just a question of perception, but we can argue that brightness really is amplitude - or is it the square root because bother my brain’s gone blank but it’s like an amplitude Vs magnitude thing but those are the same so it must be something else But if we call amplitude brightness then I think yes, the same-mass candle burning at 4x brightness will burn out in a quarter of the time. Phew, I think I can correctly upvote your comment.

        • emergencyfood
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          Wouldn’t brightness be proportional to the square root of the amount of light released? Also they didn’t mention the mass of the wax in the two candles.

          • milicent_bystandr
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            That’s right, light goes out in all directions, not all focused towards your eye. So the 4x as bright candle burns 16x as fast?

            I assumed mass is kept constant. Or it would be, “the candle that burns four times as bright is really heavy.

  • RubberElectrons
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    Fuck you, shitass cats. Stop killing all the birds!

    Keep your cats indoors, please.

    • Gladaed
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      This is misleading: Habitat destruction and lawns are a much greater threat to birds. If you do not like cats and want them gone that’s fine. Don’t use false/misleading information to further your point.

        • Gladaed
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          I am not arguing that, I am saying that populations would still be much high if more and more suitable habitat existed. The issue being that you cannot count lack of animals due to habitat via mortality.

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        Are you logically sound? None of what I said is mutually exclusive of lawns and habitat destruction.

      • Smoogs
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        Ah, that is a tragic post history. And not surprising to the tone of your post here. another asshat troll to block. Thank you for making yourself known.

      • brbposting
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        lol +6/-6

        For such a brilliant and flawless plan?!

      • RubberElectrons
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        What a great, well-developed sense of humor! Everyone loves talking with you! You must have no trouble dating, or making friends who actually contribute to society!

  • hakunawazo
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    Not to forget how flexible you are and where you can go with your tongue.

  • atro_city
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    Kill billions of birds and only the Aussies dare retaliate.

  • lugal
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    What if cats just protect us from the gov*rnment?
    c/birdsarentreal

    • RandomVideos
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      What if the cats are working with the government to get rid of malfunctioning drones

      • lugal
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        I have never seen a cat in uniform.
        And I don’t say that just in hope of cute pictures

  • iAvicenna
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    forgot to add, “wake up humans at 2am and go back to sleep immediately afterwards”

    • ThatWeirdGuy1001
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      I started yelling at my cats randomly when they’re sleeping just for a little payback.

  • taiyang
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    Most of these describe my gamer sister growing up. Cute, sleepy, etc.

    I’ll admit, hiding the bodies growing up was tough work!

    • bingbong
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      Sleeping all day and killing for fun 😎

      • voxel
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        these two are contradictory tho

  • mrmanager
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    Cats are easily the best looking being on the planet.

  • Flying Squid
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    I dispute “always cute. I knew a guy who had a cat that looked disturbingly similar to Mao Zedong. Like if Mao Zedong was a cat, he would look like that cat. I don’t know how else to put it. But it sort of took away the cute factor and replaced it with a major creepiness one.

  • lath
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    Do you also prefer the unavoidable estrus state that makes you horny against your will and takes over all your senses?

    • TwoCubed
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      If your holders are responsible people, this will never happen.

      • electric_nan
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        And they won’t let you out to kill all the birds either.

        • viking
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          Just a few. Not all of them.

          • electric_nan
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            ‘Domestic’ cats are the number one thing killing birds. I love my cats, but I don’t let them outside unsupervised.

            • AdmiralShatEnglish
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              While they physically kill the most birds by volume, the biggest decrease to bird populations is the ecological destruction of the environment. The pesticides we use actually make their egg shells non viable, but for some reason none of the studies count this figure in the “birds killed” category. It would double cats.

              On top of that, we have deforestation wrecking their mating areas. People like to measure forestation in ground covered squared, while ignoring that the vast majority of migratory species only mate in specific areas.

              Circling back to pesticides, the food supply has been wrecked. The food that is left avaliable is often filled with chemicals still that cause diseases, make their already fragile bones even weaker, cause feather malformation, blindness, organ failure, and cause outright sterilization.

              But for some reason that’s not listed in the “birds killed” figure.

              Cats might kill a bunch of birds, but with a figure that’s as broad as 1 to 4 billion, you need to question the validity of the argument and wonder why they leave so many other factors out of these figures.

              It’s the same kind of thing where they shame us for individual level consumption of pollutants and plastics, while corporations greatly outweigh consumers pollution. Both are a problem, yes cats do kill a shit load of birds, but this reddit level factoid keeps getting spread around and the reap threats aren’t being educated on. You can’t really say they’re the “number one thing killing birds” unless you’re using the figures that outright ignore other important information

              • electric_nan
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                OK? Either way they kill a shitload of birds unnecessarily. I don’t spray pesticides, I buy local produce. I can control my cats, so I do that too. Side benefit is that they’ll probably live longer since they won’t encounter the same diseases and dangers as they would outside.

                • TwoCubed
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                  The dangers outside again being man-made shit like wanktanks and stroads. Sounds like a ver American problem too. I’m fine with my cats outside in Germany. I just program the cat flap to not let them out in the morning and at night. All they catch that way are mice. Plus they don’t get killed by cars as I live in a liveable neighborhood.

  • nexguy
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    Death around every corner they live a very exciting life

  • sundrayEnglish
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    9 lives, going to the heaviside layer, pretty sweet.

    • milicent_bystandr
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      Kolanki here claiming to be always cute.

      Kolanki may in fact be a sentient squirrel with a crossbow.

      Edit: a narcoleptic sentient squirrel with a crossbow.