I’m struggling to figure out how to make friends without having Instagram or any other social media. I have discord but don’t use it much. I see all my acquaintances in discord channels and sharing Instagram posts and stuff. It’s already hard for me to make friends, but I feel like not having any of the traditional social media means I’m not included in any of that stuff.
Do you just accept that Instagram and shit are the way people interact and use it?
How do you make friends with social media?
I think it’s more just that it’s a low stakes way to “hang out” and chat without any commitment or pressure. At least that’s how I see the value
sounds genuinely creepy.
fellas is it creepy to have internet friends
sometimes!
Which is why I’ve made zero friends on social media.
Discord is social media. What you need, my friend, are hobbies. Or the meetup app. Or to just go look up events in your area and go to them. Hobbies work because then you can find other people locally who are also into your
fetishhobby.You need to make an effort to put yourself in places where you can meet people. Often this takes the form of finding a community with a common interest. This could be a hobby, a lecture, a course, book club, gardening, etc.
Other places where you meet people can be a workplace, a volunteering effort, social gatherings like listening to a band, orchestra or a play.
You can go to the local coffee shop and spend time there watching people. If you do this regularly, you’re likely to meet people whom you can talk to and interact with.
If you already know people, acquaintances, then organise or participate in activities with them.
Social media is an add-on to life, not life itself.
The way to make friends is essentially finding ways to interact with other humans, preferably in places where you like to enjoy yourself.
Meetup.com and volunteering.
Outside of work and school, I think pretty much all of my friends are from some sort of group, often volunteering stuff
Edit: or friends I met through friends
Volunteer. You’ll meet the best people.
The first thing I think of when I hear volunteer is soup kitchen, and after a quick check it turn out my local one doesn’t need any more people at this time. What are some other places one can volunteer, that might not be so obvious?
Maybe a local advocacy group, one that aligns with your interests and values?
Church, political party, environment, homeless shelter, women’s shelter, non-profit music societies, arts, etc depending on your interests.
Habitat for Humanity is a great one IMHO I loved helping out with them when I could
That isn’t true at all. Plenty of volunteers are shitty people.
A group I was recently with just had a huge scandal because someone who joined had a sexual offender records and we were working with kids… he basically fucked everyone over and the entire org had to stop operations for months until every member clear background checks.
All the best people volunteer. I stand by this. Sorry you had an experience with a shitty person also volunteering. Part of non-profit management is dealing with shitty volunteers.
ok, now we have moved to ‘if you don’t volunteer you are less than as a person.’
seriously, volunteering has zero to do with one’s moral worth in life. tons of good people never volunteer. lots of shitheads do. volunteering isn’t some inherently moral/good act. lots of people volunteer for shitty reasons and do shitty things.
What if you don’t want to help people?
Help animals then…
Volunteer with pets!
I’ll tell you when I find out.
Board games. Find people who play board, card or roleplaying games. Sign up to an open group to play. Its an extremely social hobby with no pressure - you’re just there to play, and if some joking around and friendship happens, its a great bonus.
Never understood this one. Majority of people don’t give a shit about board games, so what… I’m supposed to infiltrate into a chess club just to meet people? That’s sound stupidly insincere.
A lot of game stores do board game nights. I have 2 friends who go sometimes. It’s just tables set up with games available or you can take your own. It’s just a way to play games with more people and have a night out.
Seems like you skipped the part “majority don’t give a shit about games”
Sounds like you’ve already made up your mind so fine go do something else. We don’t care.
“Your hobby is stupid and no one cares about it. Why should I keep an open mind to people who like stupid things? This is bad advice.”
I started a business that involves going into stranger’s homes. Most of my new friends are old ladies.
Would you like to share what the business is?
I’m home improvement contractor aka. “handyman”
Meetup.com, search some interests, find some groups, go to some events, talk to people and slowly build those connections with those that you click with. Or all that via more general web searching, meetup is just a convenient hub.
Dang. The website said there is no groups or events anywhere at any time within 100 miles of me. What do lmao
Befriend the wildlife
Trash pandas are friends. Got it
Checked it out and learned there’s Thursday Night Dodgeball near me. Ok, this is actually useful.
Don’t forget your training wrench! 🔧
Join a team or club in something that interests you.
I’m planning on signing up for a couple of rec sports leagues on volo. I’m afraid everyone there is going to be like 20 years old though
I was 40 when I started playing Ultimate.
I’m a firm believer in friends through building solidarity. I helped organize a union at my workplace, and became a steward. Being united in struggle has brought me closer to the people around me. If you’re too nervous for that, volunteer for a local cause you care about. If there aren’t any, start organizing your community.
I think it’s just so overwhelming to start from nothing with new people. I have essentially one person in my life who I’ve spent almost 2 decades with. I’ve always had trouble with balance. I have a few acquaintances, but I recently realized I need to have a closer relationship with more than 1 person.
It’s intimidating, but being united in a cause is a pretty powerful force. It brings focus to the energy everyone has and directs it collectively. I was extremely shy and not comfortable with confrontation or being approached at work. Over the course of 2.5 years of organizing and being outspoken, I still like my space but none of that is true about me now. I never knew how to just talk to people at work, but now I’ve gotten pretty good at talking to people I’ve never even met before and can get pretty comfortable with folks I’m closer to.
Everything is a process. Having focus for the purposes of being together is a very strong social lubricant. From there you might find personalities you don’t like, but you’re much more likely to find some friends.
I don’t know how to do it this generation style. In my gen, meeting through events and staying connected. Maybe you’re a parent with kids and the kids are friends, naturally you will mingle with other parents.
Or join a sports team. You will quickly make friends there.
Join some other events you like. I dunno, like beer brewing clubs or something…
Thinking back how I made mine, most were from school, jobs, or sports. I had some internet friends but none of them were anything like my real local ones.
Are people you follow and who follow you really friends or is it primarily just about increasing the amount of followers? I’ve never had any social media aside from MySpace, but I consider my friends as family. Sure, I bet a lot of Instagram accounts have more followers than I have friends, but we’re all stoked to know one another and it has nothing to do with appearances.
I’m not talking about random followers. I’m talking about how to keep in touch and get closer to people who you just met. Like sure you exchange numbers, but then what? You might text them to go do an activity. But that’s only every so often.
I guess I just don’t know how it works, and I see everyone exchanging Instagram posts and in group discords and I don’t know how to be included and involved
What was the common thread from when you met the person? How did you hit it off with them?
If you met at a bar, text them later asking if they’ve been to a certain brewery that just opened up (although this could sound like a soft invite to go there, so be prepared for that). If you connected about movies, tv shows, or music, ask them if they saw that new movie (show, album) that’s related to whatever you talked about (same director, sense of humor, style of movie, etc). Basically, just continue the conversation with them. Talk about related things and start to branch out, maybe you’ll find other common interests and things to talk about. You can send an article that you think they’d be interested in. Or a meme about their job.
But make sure that the conversation isn’t one sided. If you’re always the one starting the conversation or carrying it, maybe back off some. They should be just as engaged as you are.
What was the common thread from when you met the person? How did you hit it off with them?
So I’ve been married for 12 years, and we’ve been together since college, where we met. And my wife’s basically the only person I interact with socially. And I think I’m straining my marriage by using her as my crutch. I’ve kind of relied on her for literally all of my socializing, like tagging along with her and her friends. But I’ve recently realized that that’s not healthy and I need someone to talk and interact with independent of her. But it’s really hard.
I had a time where I had to make new friends in a new city, and what I learned is that you have to take initiative a lot in the beginning of a new friendship. You have to suggest something to do together maybe the first 2 - 4 times. After some time it should be more equal if not find some other friends.
My husband complains of the same - that his only socialization is with my friends. Does your wife know you’re lonely? I bet her friends’ husbands are feeling it too
She does. But it’s a little complicated. And that also leads to my question. I talk with a couple people through her, but I don’t know how to continue to stay in touch, or how to just talk with them except to plan an activity or something.
I text and call my friends just to chat way more often then to hang. It’s definitely a little bit of both, but I stay in touch regularly using signal. I’m an oddity these days for sure, yet it’s still an option and way more private vs social media.
I’m not sure if he is my friend yet but I met another dad at the playground. Our children played a bit together so we started talking. Then at the end we gave each other our phone numbers and now our wifes who are both Korean stay in touch via KakaoTalk which is again a Korean social network …
Making friends through kids is so interesting to me. My sister has two kids and her best friend has one. She doesn’t really hang out with her anymore, because the kids don’t get along. She has another friend with like 4 children and they don’t get along anymore, so they don’t hang out anymore. At the same time she became friends with other people because their kids like each other
find a hobby and join up with folks that do the same locally. join a gym. go to a local pub and watch some sports. I find this far better than social media, however I also live in a (small) city; i don’t know how people manage in rural areas.
