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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 2nd, 2023

  • Easily the most effective for me has been to develop, review, and/or do one action item off a plan to be able to leave the job and work towards something I want to spend my time working on. Knowing I have a plan, remembering it and seeing that it’s a good plan, and taking steps on that is a concrete reminder that the job I hate is temporary and I’m not stuck. That reduces the scaries significantly for me.

    Then I also like to clean my place, light a scented candle, and read/watch something to make where I live feel cozy, comforting, and home-y. A reminder that even though the job is shit, I have at least built a home that I come back to. Might call a friend and talk it out too - works on both levels.

    What do you do?






  • When both claim to be the victimI mean, that’s basically every single case. There are signs you can look for, especially if you are trained on it, but where I’m from, the people who will be responding to it aren’t all that well-trained and sometimes the response is to provide IPV/SV resources to both parties. Which isn’t the worst option to fall back on. If you’re working with a survivor and trained, in my experience, you can usually tell pretty quickly who is the survivor and who is the abuser. But that eye is not trained into a lot of the people interacting with the situation legally, that’s for sure. And that hurts all genders. To your point: including men too because any gender can perpetrate and there is still the idea in so many places that men cannot be abused.

    I will disagree with your point that self-defense doesn’t hold up if you stay for years or decades though. Leaving an abusive situation is a nightmare. The physical violence is never reported to be the worst part either; it’s the destruction of self that is the worst part. IPV is designed to make people helpless, hopeless, and reduce their access to all resources that can help. Sometimes all they feel like they have is self-defense in singular moments. I don’t think we can hold that against people.

    What a shit situation, yo. I’m sorry that happened to you, and I’m glad you’re willing to call it what it was, a sexual assault. It sounds like your system largely failed you. I wish that wasn’t so often the case. Hope you’re taking care of yourself.


  • Lotta good stuff there, but two things in response:

    First, I’m not so sure that people being comfortable with the idea of men being the abuser in most intimate partner violence situations is all that shocking. There is a long history of sexism, including systemic sexism, from men against women, dating back to Hammurabi’s Code. I think there’s a bit of an earned reputation there unfortunately.

    Second, I would very much not lump self-defense into the category of domestic violence, as that equates the survivor’s attempts to protect themselves as similar or equal to a pattern of intensely destructive behaviors meant to gain power and control over them. The two are not remotely equal, and whether “mutually abusive” relationships even exist is still debated because of the dynamics of abusers and abusive tactics.





  • It was a hero shooter MOBA but with some verticality, so that’s about as far as the Overwatch comparison goes. I had a great time with it. I like traditional MOBAs but don’t have the skill/patience/time for them, so hero shooter MOBAs are the perfect way for me to be able to play them more casually. In my opinion, of the few I’ve tried, Paragon was the best implementation of a hero shooter MOBA; the core gameplay just felt really tight to me.



  • flamingarmstoGames@sh.itjust.worksBraid, Anniversary Edition on SteamEnglish
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    6 months ago
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    Can’t answer as to why you would buy it again, but for me, I thought about replaying Braid recently only to discover that it was a pretty blurry mess. This looks a lot nicer, and commentary on video game design and development can be really interesting to me, especially since a lot of that is kept behind closed doors still.




  • flamingarmstoCoffee@lemmy.worldAm I a coffee heathen?
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    6 months ago
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    To spare others the same googling: 175f = 79.4c, 180f = 82.2c.

    What you’re doing is called cupping! I’ve seen it used mostly to set up tastings of multiple different coffees at once. Generally it’s recommended to stir the crust at some point so that the grounds fall to the bottom of the cup. Also, you’re brewing at a pretty low temp though. Even for dark roasts, I would consider brewing a touch hotter and see what you think.


  • flamingarmstoCoffee@lemmy.worldWhat are you brewing this week?
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    6 months ago
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    1zpresso released the J-ultra a few months ago, which is just a J-max with slightly smaller adjustments and something like a 1/6th lighter. It’s highly regarded for espresso and does a great job for filter coffee. But it definitely creates more fines than a grinder specifically for filter coffee, so heads up there.


  • flamingarmstoCoffee@lemmy.worldFrench press method
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    6 months ago
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    Might be too coarse. I think Hoffmann recommends a much finer grind than what people normally recommend for French press, something closer to medium than anything that would be called coarse. Might be worth grinding finer and keeping everything else the same, then see what happens.