EDIT: Thanks so much everyone. Great answers. This has been fun. Keep it going as long as you want!

DISCLAIMER: Silly Thought Exercise: NOT AN ENDORSEMENT OF REPLACING BIDEN. I personally do not think replacing Biden is a good idea at this stage in the election. I think that’s more dangerous than keeping him, sadly, but he’s who we’ve got. I’m just looking for shitposty thoughts on this question, please and thank you.

What-over-the-top absurd person would you choose to replace Biden who you think could actually body Trump, and why?

For an example, my choice would be based on the idea that the only thing that makes a bully like Trump wilt is a bigger bully. Secondly, US citizens love trash talking and sports and absolutely will vote for someone who is already famous, they certainly love their celebrities. Finally, what better sport for trash talk than basketball?

In that, my choice would be basketball legend Larry Bird. (he’s famously apolitical, so it’s hard to know if he would actually be politically aligned against Trump.)

…but, the thing is, Larry Bird is a masterclass trash talker.

And that is really what throws Trump off and throws him into obscene tantrums where his composure is lost and he comes off like a whining loser: when he’s been taken down a peg by someone else. Nothing sticks deeper in his craw. I don’t think he could handle Larry Bird’s level of shit-talk, Bird is like god-tier.

I can imagine Bird calling Trump out and saying he can smell his shit-filled diaper from across the auditorium, obviously Bird would describe more colorfully than I. The thing is, I can also see that absolutely throwing Trump into hysterics.

Also, at 67 Bird’s a fucking spring chicken compared to Biden or Trump.

So, I’m hoping for answers that are a bit silly, like this. Larry Bird is obviously not actually a good choice for this. I just like chuckling at the idea, because real life has gotten so absurd I need to hide in even deeper absurdity.

What’s your absurd Biden replacement? Please, I think we could use some laughs.

  • mozz
    39•8 days ago8 days ago

    John Stewart

    Edit: Sorry I meant his brother, Jon Stewart

    • Che Banana
      28•8 days ago

      Stewart/Colbert ticket would absolutely rock his orange ass off.

      • Jimmybander
        4•7 days ago

        For many years I’ve wanted to see that. It would be absolutely unstoppable.

      • Snot FlickermanOPEnglish
        14•8 days ago

        With Presidential Cabinet members Steve Carrell, John Oliver, Samantha Bee, Judge John Hodgman, Jordan Klepper and Lewis Fucking Black.

          • GreyEyedGhost
            6•7 days ago

            I like Lewis, but he might be a little too angry to be in charge of missiles.

            • Che Banana
              3•7 days ago

              I don’t think he’s angry enough. Cowboy Regan scared the shit out of everyone…Black would Make Everyone But America Shit Again (black trucker cap with MEBASA)

              • GreyEyedGhost
                3•7 days ago7 days ago

                I’m not sure that more loose cannons is the solution to the number we have now. I suppose if he was on a tight leash they could always threaten people to smarten up or they won’t hold him back.

      • mozz
        7•8 days ago8 days ago

        Jon Stewart for president with someone central to Biden’s cabinet who actually knows about politics and the stuff Biden was doing, as VP, to be able to give him on the job training on the actual politics part to match his sharpness level and his heart

    • cygnus
      10•8 days ago

      I don’t know John Stewart, but Jon Stewart would be an interesting choice.

    • Snot FlickermanOPEnglish
      7•8 days ago

      I’m not even sure if this one is silly as much as it is serious. Too bad Stewart would never want the job!

      • mozz
        6•8 days ago

        I don’t care if he doesn’t want the job

        I think Biden has done great stuff (domestically 🙁) and I would expect good policies from him and obviously a dead plant would be a better president than Trump, but his debate performance is kinda hard to put a good spin on

        And therefore it is clear that what the world needs to see is a Jon Stewart vs Donald Trump debate

    • Today
      3•7 days ago

      I would be so excited to vote for a Biden/Stewart ticket!!! Jon could continue to do Daily Show Mondays for now, and then take over when it’s time!

      • bradorsomething
        2•7 days ago

        Like the emoluments clause matters any more. He can just collect his salary after he leaves office, as a treat.