I have a lot of runners up, like Amrito for Amy, or Bradinglesmirch for Briar, but I think the dumbest has to be Scott Von Scott of the Scottsdale Scotts Who Did Scott So Scottily in the Battle of Scotteen Twelve.

So I ask you, what’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever called your furry friends?

  • _thisdotEnglish
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    I live in Bangalore, India. The local language here is Kannada but I don’t speak it nor do I have many friends who speak it. I named my cat Bacardi and would call him Bacoo. Turns out the word for cat in the local language is also “Bacoo”. So for any local who saw me interact with my cat, it looked like I was calling my cat “cat”! I found out around a year later!

  • ikiddEnglish
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    Yardstick. She only has 3 feet.

    • HonkyTonkWoman
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      Neighbor down the street called her three legged goat Tripod.

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        I’ve called her that too. And Stumpy.

        • HonkyTonkWoman
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          lol, Prolly could’ve gotten away with calling the goat stumpy too, but not because he had stump.

          His limb was a clean amputation, but he liked to try to eat stumps.

  • AdaEnglish
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    Does “Shithead” count? That’s what I call my cat :P

    • SlapnutsGT
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      Same for my dachshund, he actually responds to it

    • ben16w
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      My cat is ginger so he gets “ginger shit” a lot of the time

  • AngryishHumanoid
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    My sister had a lot of cats. We stopped being clever naming them, they got names like “Orange Short Hair”, etc.

    Except this one cat that otherwise looked like 2 others, except it had these amazing tufts of hair coming out of its ears, so we named him Ears. Then we found out he was deaf but we had already named him Ears, so it stuck.

    • Skyhighatrist
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      I’d argue that Ears is even better knowing he’s deaf. And what does he care, he can’t hear you anyway.

  • Rhynoplaz
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    When my cats Porkchop and Applesauce get in trouble, they are called by their full names, Applewood Smoked Sausage and Porkus Von Chopp Chopp.

  • nothingcorporate
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    I call my cat turtle-butt.

    There is no reason, when anyone asks why, I just say “her butt is made of turtle.

  • stoy
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    We had a lovely cat when I grew up, she was completely black, with short but compact fur, and tuffs on her ears.

    For this to make sense, I need to talk about Swedish grammar

    In Swedish grammar we have two genus for words:

    “Utrum” words get the suffix (e)n” in their definitive form.

    “Neutrum” words get the suffix (e)t” in their definite form.

    These words also get the en/ett article in front of it when talking about a signular unspecified item.

    Example:

    Car - bil, a car - en bil, the car - bilen

    Table - bord, a table - ett bord, the table - bordet

    Now, the Swedish word for cat is an utrum word:

    Katt, en katt, katten.

    One of the nicknames we used to call our cat was the neutrum defined form: “kattet”.

    Which if I am looking back at this comment is a funny nickname, with a stupidly complex explanation to non Swedish speakers.

    • Quazatron
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      We forgive you because of ABBA, Roxette and Besta.

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    My dog has hair loss problems and the base of her tail is bare. There’s a big wrinkle in her skin there so she’s Wrinklebutt and my other dog by default is Fuzzybutt

  • SendPicsofSandwiches
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    “The Wuh” her actual name was diamond, but my brother one day just called her “Diamond Wuh” and it stuck. After that everything we called her was also a variation of wuh

  • mojofrododojoEnglish
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    Lucy & Ethel. Originally there were two stray orange tabby kittens, but since my grandmother let them out to run around, one day only one came back home. Not knowing which was which, that cat became Lucy & Ethel, who proceeded to outlive my grandmother and one of her kids.

  • Zammy95
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    Growing up we had a cat named Remi, I would tell people his full name was Sir Remi Remington Remingston III. My mom hated it. I miss that cat, he was great

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      My parents have a Remy whose full name is Rembrandt. I call him Rumball. His has two siblings called Frida and Diego but surprisingly none of them are very good painters.

  • AquaTofana
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    I have some kinda mutt who was abandoned by his owner (he was microchipped and we reached out saying we had him and they answered back telling us what a good dog he is and how much joy he’ll bring us 🙄)

    His original name was Kobe, but neither my husband nor I are basketball fans, so I changed it to “Korbie”, as short for Korbel, my favorite cheap fake champagne.

    Anyhow, he now gets referred to as “Korbie Porgie Pudding and Pie” or “Korbelicious” (Sung to the tune of “Fergielicious” of course!)

    • LadyLikesSpiders
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      The twist is that his original owners didn’t know jack shit about basketball, but were really into a specific strain of beef

      • AquaTofana
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        They had exquisite, and expensive taste! They drop some dollars for their steak!

  • SlapnutsGT
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    Our cats name is Rip but I call him Mr Boobs. No clue how that started just happened one day

  • Crackhappy
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    Kitty. My cat’s name is entirely different but the little asshole, after 15 years, still responds best to “Kitty”. Fucker.