I have gas from eating lots of bread, which is not unusual, but for some reason today’s farts hurt my ass.

They’re not those super hot farts, they’re just really… pressurized? They come out loud and proud and it feels kinda violent. Any ideas?

    • thorbot
      411·
      6 months ago6 months ago

      Bro modern r/askreddit is the wish version. You been there lately? It’s just AI bot spam asking the same dumbass questions that have gotten the most engagement in the past. All of Reddit has devolved to bullshit low effort questions by bots. Like almost every subreddit is just “what’s the XYZ about this ABC related to this sub?!?” It’s fucking awful there now

      • treadfulEnglish
        261·
        6 months ago

        “What’s the sexiest sex you’ve ever sexed?”

        “What’s the spookiest thing you’ve ever seen in Utah?”

        • thorbot
          100·
          6 months ago

          These are both actually lifted word for word from recent posts there

      • RGB3x3English
        160·
        6 months ago6 months ago

        Even for years, r/askreddit was drowned in annoying sexual questions like “what would you do if you became the opposite sex” or “what should men/women know about women/men”

        It got so repetitive.

        • thorbot
          90·
          6 months ago

          It’s that, but on every sub. It’s pretty insane. And then tons of comments that are THE EXACT SAME COMMENTS I always see for that question. It’s literally just bots talking to bots

  • Dr. WeskerEnglish
    630·
    6 months ago

    Have you tried spreading cheek a bit, to see if you can whistle?

  • thorbot
    451·
    6 months ago

    You should probably not eat so much bread. You may have a gluten intolerance. See if you can blow up a balloon with the next one.

      • Maalus
        40·
        6 months ago

        He could play the harmonica while reciting poetry

  • morphballganon
    431·
    6 months ago

    1. Take a long hot shower and wash the area well

    2. Try to cut down on dairy for the near future

    3. Lie down in the sexy open-shirt Jeff Goldblum from Jurassic Park pose when a fart is approaching

  • nyahlathotepEnglish
    340·
    6 months ago

    If you had a stomach ache and had a poo with stomach acid in it (eg diarrhea), the acid can irritate your ring and make farts hurt.

    • garbagebagel
      50·
      6 months ago

      This sounds made up but I want to believe it and will do no further research into the matter. Mystery solved.

      • nyahlathotepEnglish
        20·
        6 months ago

        My asshole would to assure you it’s not made up and does in fact really hurt.

  • JayEnglish
    270·
    6 months ago

    Your asshole is slamming shut like a screen door in a windstorm?

  • insomniac_lemon
    240·
    6 months ago6 months ago

    The problem’s your ass.

    Being serious, I’m not sure how you eat enough bread to cause this unless you have some sort of stomach-related-issue or gluten intolerance or something. Unless you just eat way too much bread and then mix it with something that it reacts with?

    • Dr. WeskerEnglish
      340·
      6 months ago

      Probably anal fission. When he splits his crack, a lot of energy is released.

      • Rhynoplaz
        60·
        6 months ago

        No to be confused with anal fusion, which is when your ass cheeks clap together.

  • ℕ𝕖𝕞𝕠
    160·
    6 months ago

    When that happens with me it usually is the first sign of a hemorrhoid flare-up.

  • surewhynotlem
    131·
    6 months ago

    have gas from eating lots of bread, which is not unusual,

    Yeah it is. Unless you know you have a specific medical condition?

  • PhAzE
    120·
    6 months ago

    Chainsaw farts, great for itching your hole with a fart.

  • sgibson5150
    110·
    6 months ago

    My sympathies. Earlier this week I made dinner with an Impossible Meat brick that was a single day past the labelled expiration. I had some unexpected GI issues that I’ve attributed to that and I really felt terrible after, like I’d strained my pooper or something. Been farting like a cow ever since. I keep apologizing to my wife. Fuck knows why or how she puts up with me.

    • JackFrostNColaEnglish
      30·
      6 months ago

      “best before date” or “expiry date”? Because if it was expiry date i think you need to look into food(& medicine) safety

  • casual_turtle_stew_enjoyer
    110·
    6 months ago

    Happens to me when I eat nothing but beef jerky like I did yesterday. Just woke up like ten minutes ago with a fat man locked and loaded, had to lift my leg to make sure the ordnance cleared the fuselage.

    Maybe it’s digested fat? Idk I’m no nutritionist

  • HatchetHaro
    90·
    6 months ago

    I do believe it’s a bread problem. Now you can either fix that, or you can start loosening your asshole.

    Sounds like a joke, but I fart a lot and they’ve become way more quiet after I’ve started using dildos. I’m gay, but you don’t have to be to enjoy anal.